I love parties.
You know the ones where you put on your best frumpy pajamas. Gather chocolate, oysters and Miss Vickies Sweet Chili and Sour Cream chips (don’t judge me). Then sit down on the couch to watch something super depressing or write yet another hopeless journal entry about how life has once again given me an ass-kicking while those around me seem to be getting all the breaks.
Oh did I forget to mention … PITY parties. Those are the ones I love.
Or at least I spend a lot of time at them.
I should clarify something first. It’s not generally because I want attention. In fact, writing this is brutal because I don’t want anyone else to know.
But I suspect, just maybe, someone else out there has felt this way. Had these thoughts.
Wondered … Why not ME?
Why can’t I be the one to get the good break now and again?
You know, beyond what I imagined, above what I expected, more than I deserved.
But I think I’ve discovered something. And I think it’s the reason I enjoy myself a big old pity party so much, and it’s the reason why it ISN’T ever me.
What I imagine is all that can go wrong.
What I expect is pretty much the same as what I’ve always gotten.
What I think I deserve is basically what I’ve been getting.
My thoughts on my worthiness and my expectation of greatness in life are pretty much CRAP.
I don’t sit around imagining all the great things I will accomplish and then work my butt off to get them.
I sit around imagining all the ways life has given me grief and bad endings, then work my butt off to get some more of those.
I work hard and although I may now and again try to change my conscious thoughts about my situation and what I desire out of life, my sponsoring thoughts remain the same.
I am not enough.
Everything goes wrong for me.
Why not ME for once.
I have come to realize I spend a ton more time thinking about how things can and have gone wrong. How I’ve been unjustly slammed or slighted.
How I work my tail off for everyone else and get nothing but grief, while others do nothing and get all this goodness graced upon them.
BUT THIS IS A VICTIM MENTALITY.
And a victim mentality breeds more victimization.
So what is my big epiphany?
It’s so awesomely simple in principle (but terrifyingly hard to do, so get ready for it …)
I’ve stopped saying
Why not ME?
And I’ve started saying
Why NOT me?
A simple change of emphasis.
Why the heck shouldn’t I do good work, get good breaks and find fantastic success?
Why can’t I be the one to change my habits and break through strongholds?
Why am I any less worthy of greatness in life?
I’M NOT. And neither are YOU.
We've been letting that bad boy "subconscious" beat us up for a long time now.
Here’s the cool thing though (and we have great science now to back it up).
Emotions are a product of nervous system activity.
Our nervous system is programmed through synapses and systems that are “conditioned” to respond in a certain way to protect us.
But you can RE-CONDITION these responses.
You can literally change your thoughts, and change your base-level, knee-jerk responses to the external environment and life situations.
You can make a conscious plan to respond in a new way to situations that would typically throw you into a victim, poor-me frenzy.
You can re-program your mind to believe that life is working IN YOUR FAVOR instead of against you.
You can find a new and refreshing outlook that is open to great joy, peace and fulfillment.
You can chuck those pajamas and snacks and give back your lifetime membership to the pity-party association.
By definition of your humanity, we belong here.
We are worthy of a life of service, accomplishment and abundance (in whichever ways we choose to define these things).
It CAN be you (and ME too!).
After all, it’s going to be someone.